The science of the all dayer

I had a very strange experience last night. I was actually involved in a night out where I was more sober than most of the participants.

I had planned on meeting my erstwhile colleagues at around 5 o'clock (they had been out since 2.30ish) but due to circumstances beyond my control I ended up not joining them until around 7. Of course they were mostly several sheets to the wind by this point. So for the first 2 hours (until the alcohol permeated my soul) I played the newly discovered, highly entertaining, spectator sport of 'Spot the drunkard'. There are several aspects or events to this sport. Categories include:

1. Slurring words
2. Tottering and nearly (or actually) falling over
3. Telling people you love them
4. Spraying people with spit whilst saying the words 'God I'm wasted'
5. Lechery (is that a word?) - this being a personal favorite of mine.

I was just slightly disappointed that I had left my scoring cards at home. Marks are awarded for technical merit and artistic impression. So for instance, telling someone you love them with real feeling would score highly on technical merit, but doing so whilst on one knee or even better, on one knee whilst clasping their left buttock would score massively for artistic impression. Unfortunately (fortunately!) no one scored the perfect 6.0 in this category last night.

Anyhow, the night passed off without (mostly without) incident and a good time was had by all. I had stuff on my mind so the night took on a surreal form - but this made it no less enjoyable. Just as the copious amounts of drink were filtering through to my brain persuading me of the benefits of making a complete fool of myself we had to depart. Which is obviously a good thing. A quick stop off to salute the colonel (sounds rude but only involves consuming KFC) and I headed home.

Interesting night all round.

One week to go!!!! Whoo-the fuck-Hoo!

Somewhere over the rainbow...

To spend, or not to spend? That is the question. Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the lack of beer-age before next Friday, or to take up a bar stool and down a swift one...

Money. Shit really isn't it? Most of you know this trip is going to have to be undertaken on a strict budget. The problem is, I have a REAL issue with living like a monk under any circumstances. So do I go out tomorrow night and sp**k 40 notes - or do I go home and watch shitty Friday night TV? Hmmmmm...

So it's about a week away now. My Inter rail ticket has arrived and all the accommodation / flights / trains are booked. Wow - it's REALLY happening. I'm still mega excited but I feel constantly tired at work now. I think it's the old 'getting closer and feeling it' (no rude jokes please - although offers gladly received :)). Do you know what I mean? It's like running for a bus or a train. It's hard enough running the 200 yards - but in that final 20 it feels like your feet are in glue - all psychological of course....it's because you've nearly made it and know that shortly you'll be sat on a nice comfy seat (or on a Friday, sat next to a 300lb heffer with BO and halitosis). You get the idea anyhow...

Shit! I've just remembered I need some sunglasses! Where can I get a cheapo pair!!!!!?

Booked it......

The 'packed it' and 'fooked off' are still to come.

Ok, so Venice has been dropped. There's NO WAY on this earth I'm paying a supplement of £86 for the overnighter from Venice to Munich. So.....Innsbrook anyone? That's where we're headed now after leaving Rome. I've heard it's beautiful and when combined with Zel Am See and Salzburg it'll provide for a nice little scenic section of our trip...

1. Paris + Rome = Culture
2. Innsbrook + Zel Am See + Salzburg = Scenery
3. Munich + Prague + Belin = Beer
4. Amsterdam = Well, it's pure carnage really, innit!?

Anyhow, the Inter Rail ticket is booked and paid for...OMFG! And special apologetical thingy things go out to Neil....sorry about the BAU thing mate - you're right of course, I'm gonna strike it and replace with something more approprite....like 'Snow in April', or 'Starfish and Coffee'! (I'll marry anyone who can spot the musical link there - STOP Googling Jen!)

Found an interesting link recently. I'll include it below. I'm fascinated with the Amsterdam weed thing - but those of you that know me, CLEARLY know I would NEVER partake under ANY circumstances. I just hope I can control Neil and his excesses!

http://www.amsterdamlogue.com/amsterdam-coffeeshops-faq-everything-you-need-to-know-and-more.html

I'm a bit excited! Ya know!!! ;-)

Expect the unexpected...

I'm a planner right? Ok, so I run a PMO that looks after other shit - but basically I'm a planner. I look after plans. I help people to plan. I tell them what a good plan looks like. I help them plan when teir shit is gonna happen.

So what have I just spent my day off doing? (No, not sleeping or masturbating as I should be). Yep! Fucking planning. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm fully into the anticipation thing. Xmas eve always was my favourite day of the festive season. But when you get to 9.45pm and you're still at it, it starts to grate slightly. And how far did I get? Well, I'm at the same place I was 6 hours ago, LMFAO.

Why all the planning? Well, I'm on a budget see. And suddently I've turned into scrooge. God I can't abide those people either! You know the type - the ones that'd rather wear out 15 lots of shoe leather and 3 hip replacements walking 3242985903426 miles just to save 3p on a can of beans.

But here I am. Trying to save a few quid here and there. I've even put something on Ebay to sell (never sold before!) - my goddddddd!

Hey ho - I'm allowed to be frugal as I have spent the preceding 36 years, 352 days of my life blowing cash like it's going out of fashion.

Oh no, I've just remembered - it's 1 euro to take a leak in Paris! 1 Euro! I ask ya! If I'd wanted to spend 60 pennies I'd have got the dearer flight....

Oh, did I mention - looks like we're flying to and from Paris now. Cheaper and quicker. Does this mean we're somehow cheating? Almost like being air dropped onto the top of Everest? No! Me overthinking again!

Til next time....

I want a refund.....

So it's Thursday and the hell and damnation that is 'Change Programme Board' has been safely circumnavigated. This is a major milestone (arrrrgh milestones!) between me and my trip. Have you ever noticed when you're really looking forward to doing something how you mark off the stages between now and then? Was the worst day at work between now and the absolute bliss and freedom of that Saturday morning on the train....heading off into who the hell knows what!

The reality of the sorry state of my finances is beginning to dawn on me. I need to live like a monk for the next two weeks! Can i do it!? Well I may just be able to as the reward is SO great.

Due to Mr Woodall's initial recon of the journey plan we agreed last weekend, we have decided that a further major planning session is required. I just live in hope that the next time he calls the booking site it is either an 85 year old munter or a gay man that answers the phone - otherwise he may once again get all misty eyed (aroused) and lose his tenuous grip on reality and prefer to chat up the hottie (or so he says!) on the other end of the line! Note to Mr Woodall - focus man, focus!

I need some serious reading material for the journey. Can anyone of my usual listeners (ok, it's 'readers' but it sounds better) suggest something? All donations will be gladly received. Reciprocation is a given (that sounds rude but then that's obviously just me!).

Until next time pop tarts (...and you know who you are!) xoxoxo

Have you ever noticed how....

..when you share an experience with someone that other people aren't involved in, then it's almost like you know a private joke that no-one else really has an understanding of? Kind of like being absolutely in love...it feels like no-one else really GETS it. (Disclaimer: This is not a confession of love for my buddy Neil. No disrespect m8 but I'd rather shag me gran - and she's dead).

We were sat in the pub (yes, that's right, the pub AGAIN) this eve with our mate Mark (Sooty - long story) Shuttleworth. Of course we were buzzing about the trip and waxing lyrical about the forthcoming wonders. When he left, I turned to Neil and mentioned that whilst we didn't exclude him, we were on a different planet getting excited about the trip. Sorry Mark!

Well I'm sure you're all sick to the back teeth about me going on about this trip and all (even though this blog IS kinda about that). Hmmm, let's talk about the weather here in Blackpool. Pretty shite innit!? Heard it's supposed to be mint in Rome.....Muwhahahahahah....

I need to calm down. Too much excitement and I'll give myself a Connery!

Back to work today; hmmmmpf! Through the work, and numberous e-mail traffic (some official, some not so!), I had time to chat to my buddy about the upcoming frivolity. It's infectious isn't it? It's like that shared giddy nervous tension you get standing outside the exam room door before going in to do battle with pen and paper for 3 hours (except without all the dread of possible failure). Or was that just me? Anyhow....

Trip minus 19 days. Grrrr, I don't think I've really looked forward to anything as much since Christmas aged 10. I have that little nervous feeling (excitement) in the pit of my stomach when I imagine being on the train on Saturday 20th. Heading down to London and then onto the ferry and eventually Paris. I love Paris. Only been once and that was last year. I actually never intended to go, but for reasons far too complicated to go into I found myself there one overcast day. On my own. No idea where to go. What to do. But it WAS FUCKING GREAT. No plan other than to head for the river and see what was there (ok, ok, I could see the tower but you get my point). It was raining. I was pissed at the world. But it turned into one of the best days of my life.

'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times'. That's from 'A tale of two cities isn't it'? Wasn't that set in Paris? Hah! I'm a genius (ok, maybe not but it makes ME feel good).

I waited 2 and a half hours to get up the tower. Waste of time really. You go high up in the sky and.....and what exactly? Look down and congratulate yourself on achieving....erm...what exactly? Anyhow, the best part was wandering through the streets in the afternoon - the sun came out and it was blazing hot. I was free. Just me, no one to answer to but myself. Nowhere to go but where I decided. Ahhh, what a day.

Good times to be had....bring it the fook on!